vulnerability

"Vulnerability allows people to help."

Ok, God. But, see, that's hard, because I've been vulnerable before and I've got hurt. I've shared my innermost parts and my most hated pasts, and people not just hated me - they laughed. Vulnerability doesn't always end in kindness for me. Honestly? I can't remember the last time I've been truly vulnerable with anyone. There's always some wall between us - shielding me from some made up hurt that I'm afraid of.

"The other side of the wall is freedom."

But it doesn't look like freedom from here. It looks like some one using me, conning me, planning my downfall. How can I trust that won't happen if I'm vulnerable?

"You can't control others, but you can control who you open up to. Find me in my people."

It's hard to find you in others. It's all so - messy. People are broken, hurting, messy. I don't want to be dragged into their mess, and I don't want them dragged into mine. But - isn't that the purpose of brotherhood - sisterhood - family - to laugh and cry and yell and hug - together. Always together? If the other side of the wall is called freedom, what's the side I'm on called?

"Isolation."

It's is not good for me to be alone. Help me reach out more. Help me be the type of person others will reach out to. The one who doesn't gossip, one-up, or manipulate. The kind of person who laughs genuinely, cries with others, and sits with them in the valley. Let me love people they way you do, with no expectations attached. How do I become more like You?

"Let others in. Even when it's messy."