feelings

When it rains it pours. Everything that could go wrong today did go wrong, and it's only 10AM. So here I'm offered a choice. Do I continue expecting things to go wrong and allow it all to snowball into an all day panic? Or do I pray - hand my day over to the one who made it - and declare that I'm going to have a good day.

"...*crickets*..."

It's definitely a mild panic kind of day. There's things wrong with my body, but more so my heart, and my soul. I don't like anything to be wrong, or painful, or difficult - ever. Ya know? I want smooth sailing every day. No speed bumps, but that's not realistic. More over, it's not healthy. If everything went well for me - how could I ever relate to others? How could I ever sit in a valley with someone who was going through a difficult time? How could I understand the inner workings of peoples' hearts if I can't look at mine? When people are angry with me for no reason, why does that bother me?

"Because you care more about yourself than other people."

Can that be true? Is that really why it affects me so much when others don't like me or make snide comments? If I care more about myself and my feelings, then I will never be able to fully hold space for other people's feelings. If I can't look past what they're saying and see their heart, then I won't be able to mend my own.

"Lay down your feelings to free yourself from them."

Putting my feelings at the foot of the cross is difficult, because they feel big in the moment. They matter in the moment, but the thing about feelings is that they're fleeting. They don't really ever stay for too long. You feel them for a moment, and then here comes another one - sometimes the same feeling, sometimes different ones. Some feelings last for a long time, and some leave a memory - a mark on your life forever. But with time, feelings always fade for better or for worse.

"Reignite the feeling of my love."

That's one feeling I never want to fade. All the other feelings can melt away, but God please remind me of your love. How do I reignite that feeling?

"Love your enemies."