how to be vulnerable with God
When I first came to Christ, I didn’t really know who God was, much less how I should share my whole life with Him. It wasn’t until I started to break down the walls of shame and actually felt vulnerable in front of Him that I started to fully realize the overwhelming love God had for me. I had to break down the walls of fear that religion constructed around my heart so that I could be fully vulnerable with God. So… how did I do it?
I wrote Him a letter.
I wrote Him very long letter about all the shame and regret I had in my life. I confessed everything I could possibly think of to Him. Not only did I confess my sin, but I expressed my anger to Him about how I felt He failed me in my life. I was brutally honest with God. I didn’t hold anything back. Now a lot of people don’t think you can be angry with God or that it’s not right. Here’s what I think, if you’re feeling angry at God (rational or not) you HAVE TO TELL HIM. Otherwise, everything you pray will be a lie… which is a sin… do you see the cycle? I think you gotta get your emotions out there so that He can help you deal with them. You being angry at God is not going to make God angry with you. He’s going to understand and will even help you address all those feelings you’ve had bottled up. It’s like any other relationship, if you’re mad, you have to tell the other person! You can’t just keep it all bottled up or else you’re going to explode!
I surrounded myself with trusted people, who loved the Lord, that I could be vulnerable with.
I’m not talking about confessing everything in front of your entire church (although if you feel led to do that, that’s totally fine)! I’m talking about getting in front of 2-3 strong believers, talking everything out, and having them pray over you. It doesn’t have to be a whole big ordeal, but you can’t walk through this alone. It’s not good for you, and also it’s not good for other people. When you close yourself off and isolate, you’re not just hurting you, but you’re making it so that other people are isolated from your beautiful soul! You were put on this earth for a purpose, and a lot of that purpose is to be a witness to others. You need them as much as they need you!
I stepped out of my comfort zone.
I started to raise my hands during worship. I prayed in the fetal position. I fasted from social media and TV. I prayed out loud. I prayed in front of people. All of this was UNCOMFORTABLE for me! I didn’t do it because “I felt like it.” I did it because I was trying to be vulnerable with God. Being vulnerable means you HAVE to step out of your comfort zone - whatever that is for you! Maybe it’s not praying over people for you. Maybe you’re an extrovert and instead of praying over people you need to be silent and listen. Your comfort zone is going to look different than mine, but you can’t be comfortable AND vulnerable at the same time.
I stopped picturing God mad at me.
I realized that whenever I pictured God, I saw Him as this old guy with a disappointed frown on his face, shaking his head at me. I prayed and asked God to show me what He was doing whenever I told Him about my sins, what emotion He had when I was expressing all my feelings to Him and opening up my heart. You know what He showed me? It wasn’t some disappointed frown. He was crying with me over the things that had happened to me. Or He was beaming like a proud father over the things I overcame! Or He was holding me as I told Him all the things I’d done that I wish I had never even contemplated. You know what He wasn’t ever doing? Frowning down at me, ready to squash me like a bug. Our God is LOVE, that means that this picture we have of Him being angry when we are trying to be vulnerable and close to Him? Yeah, that’s just NOT Him!
I realized I was never done.
This whole being vulnerable thing… it’s a process. It’s never going to be fully over. He’s going to keep calling us deeper and deeper, closer and closer to Him. And with each step we’re going to have to shed a layer of ourselves and become even more vulnerable with Him. It’s a terrifyingly beautiful process.
You don’t have to be vulnerable with God to go to heaven, but you do have to be vulnerable with God to unlock pieces of heaven here. Did you know that you don’t have to wait until you die to experience heaven? Jesus says the Kingdom of heaven is at hand - that means it’s here, NOW! I don’t know about you, but I want to experience the fullness of everything God has for me as soon as possible! I promise you, you won’t experience everything He has for you until you’re vulnerable with Him, because that’s how true intimacy is built.